Motivational Woes

It has been a month since I started the new workouts at the gym, and there are about 17 checks in my daily check off grid.  A simple way to remind myself of how far I have to go, and how I am getting there.  That equates to roughly a workout every other day, of some sort or fashion.  I wish I could say I have seen improvement, but I haven't.  I feel some improvement, like having cut down some of my run time on the treadmill. There is doubt that it is true improvement.  It would be nice to chalk that up to my working out and getting faster and stronger.  The more likely truth is that my body was just figuring itself out and tuning in accordingly.  So it isn't that I got faster, I just got a little better.

When I was at my top physical condition and taking run clinics to improve my form, the best I had on a track was around a 11 minute mile.  I run like a duck, my joints do not align, and it takes a heap of concentration to keep proper form.  (waddle waddle waddle QUACK! shit... I fell)  People talk about a 12 minute mile being exceptionally slow, and shocked that people can't meet that standard.  I keep silent, and die a little inside. Sub 12 minutes and I am sprinting for nearly that whole time; ending the run not in a triumphant blaze of glory, but a sweating mess attempting to hold back some projectile vomit.

There has also not been any weight loss or reduction in my 'size'.  It is disheartening.  If I work out this much, and relatively watch what I eat ( no fast/junk food, moderate portion control, and basic ingredients) then my first response is WHAT THE HELL DO I NEED TO DO?  So overwhelming and frustrating, but after a sip of coffee and a look at the fog rolling across the field outside and I find myself a bit of clarity.   There are two options I face. 
1. I either need to up my game and push myself harder
or
2. I am lying to myself about the level of work I am doing.
or
3. Both 1 and 2

I loathe to admit that chances are it is 3.  The thought of placing more energy into this endeavor makes my head hurt and the proverbial towel begging to be thrown towards the 'in' bin. At the same time, I think of the food I am eating, and the amount of working out I am doing and wonder if I say I am doing more than I physically am doing.

Writing this, helps a little with my motivational slump.  Not a lot, but enough.  Here is to the next 15 days, lets hope by the end of the month I see a 5 pound loss, a two inch drop, and a speed increase. 

Meals for today: breakfast was tortilla, two strips of bacon, 4 asparagus, and an egg with a cup of coffee. 
Lunch: 1/2 a serving of red meat, 1/3 cup of couscous with a pad of butter, 1/3 cup mixed veggies.
Afternoon treat - 1 piece of fudge 2 cups of tea
Dinner: 1 cup of coucous mixed with onion, carrots, peas and zucchini. Dash of curry ketchup.  and  1 vanilla yogurt, coconut milk, blueberry smoothie.