A win is a win

This weekend was an interesting set of milestones.  Or in my case 1/4 mile stones.  Saturday morning I woke up and stepped on the scale, like I usually do, to find that my weight was somewhere around 160.  It is hard to tell since it is one of the standard scales with the dial, not a digital read out.  If this is really the case then it means I have made some progress since a month ago.  Structurally I have lost about 8 pounds.  YAY!  The working out is paying off, if only a little bit.  Still, if I want to see any real change in my physique, I need to not only continue what I am doing, but up the ante. 

Another positive side effect of the working out, in the roller derby bout that I had Saturday night I played in nearly half of the game, and didn't notice any tiredness, any fatigue, or any other issues. In general I was under control (mental stuff aside), and my body did well. This is in part because of the team we were playing -they are clean/safe players- but it is also in part because of my own fitness.  I took a few BIG hits that sent me flying through the air spread eagle, but it was just a bounce and roll and I was back on my feet no problem.

Last nights dinner was simple and easy, and I am kind of proud of it.  One of the local grocery stores has started a bulk buy section.  A perfect place for me to find whole grains, beans, and other things that are silly to buy in one cup increments.  There, in a new plexi-glass bin was Forbidden Rice, which is something that I used to eat when I was in California.  A dark purple almost black rice that is very nutty, and said to be a super food packed with more of the good stuff per grain than any other rice.  This rice has so much nutty flavor and texture, that a pad of butter is all that is needed in rounding out the taste.  I cooked up a batch of forbidden rice, some simple vegetables, and had the guy do a pork tenderloin.  Round it all out with a Spire Dark and Dry Hard Cider, and it was a perfect meal.

Frakenthumb, Festivities, Failure, and uhm... F

Today I am pondering those things which begin with F.  First off there is my Frankenthumb.  The slice and stitches above the thumb from my wound make it look like I have been pieced together.  The pain is still somewhat there, but the throbbing has gone away.  A thankful change in circumstance, especially with a rather busy week ahead.  (Saturday is yet another roller derby bout, against a more difficult opponent than last time).

Last night I showed up to the track to skate, only to come off my skates during warm up due to an equipment malfunction. I tried to make the best of it and do squats and sit ups to stay active and warm. The workout tho, was a failure, and I found myself heading home early.  Stopping at the frozen yogurt place to try their new 32cal half a cup toasted coconut blend.  Ohm nom nom. Yesterday was somewhat of a 'gorging day'.  I had lots of carbs in the form of 7 grain bread and the yogurt.  The thought process being that I am going to need a good storage tank come Saturday, and don't really want to eat heavy before practice Thursday, or on Saturday morning.  Friday will also be a complicated day due to some plans.

I truncated my work-out on Wednesday also; due to a surprising number of people in the gym.  So, as of this moment I am in a deficit when it comes to my workout. Not a good place to be when I need to be upping the ante even more than I have been.  Tonight, I hope to make up for that.  Starting out the day right by eliminating bread from my breakfast.  Followed by lunch of cut carrots, grapes, and tea, and a mid day snack of an orange.  Dinner tonight, I am not sure yet, but it will be simple. Perhaps a spinach salad?




Finally, I am being frank with myself and focusing on the fact that if I fail to workout... I fail myself.

Simple foods and Simple Thoughts to calm the complex mind

This week I have tried even more to use what is in the cupboards and pantry for meals.  Monday while cooking a simple dinner of veggies, chicken, and wild rice, I also took the time to make a pearl barley soup. Super simple, and made for the next day - a big workout day for the both of us. It was actually fairly delicious in its simplicity.

Take 6 cups of beef broth or one container, bring to a boil and add 3/4 cup of pearled barley.  Bring this down to a simmer, cover, and let it go for about 45 minutes.  Add in half of a diced onion, some carrot rounds, and a few spices. We are partial to cumin and paprika in all that we do, so that was gladly added to the pot.  Boil for another fifteen minutes or so till everything is tender.  Voila! done.  Serve with a piece of toast.

There has also been a little bit of forward movement in my fitness.  My weight seems to be somewhere around 165.  Hard to tell, but at least it is not around 170.  I am also enjoying the mini high I have after working out at the gym three times a week.  It helps alleviate some of my stresses from work, and clear my thoughts.  Work has been a source of stress and complication for sometime.  It is painfully obvious that this place is detrimental to my overall well being and forward progression. I never planned on staying here, but have found myself stuck because there is little to nothing that pays on the same scale. It is not great pay, in fact it is hardly good pay, but this region has a profound lack of jobs that pay between 12-20 an hour. I have kept a weathered eye on the horizon, so to speak, for new job opportunities.  In the last year and a half I have applied at nearly 100 different places.  Nothing has come of it. Until recently. 

I have  applied for a position that would not only double my pay, but would give me full benefits and actually challenge me. Open applications ended last Friday, and of last night they have eliminated 6 of the 30 applicants.  I am still in the running, and it is nerve wracking to say the least.  I tried to speak about myself in a positive light. Touch on the good and wonderful, and unique parts of myself.  Only time will tell if I can at least get the interview.  Right now that is my goal, get an interview. Till then I am trying to believe in Karma, and only send out positive things into the universe, act positively towards others, and simply keep an upbeat attitude. 

Frustrations and First Bout Preperations

Last night right before practice there was a nice little convergence of emotions that resulted in a little personal downward spiral. Yes, I have been working out and doing my best to stay motivated, but I have not seen any tangible improvement.  So the negative-nelly side of me is saying that it is a pointless endeavor, and that no matter what I do it wont work so just give up.  The positive-polly side is quiet, but the rational.... uhm ralph side of me says: "Ok, Break it down bitch!" I am not seeing improvement, so there is only one of a handful of possible explanations. (or a combination of them)
1. I am simply not doing enough and need to work harder
2. I am lying to myself about how hard I am working, and in fact am sabotaging myself
3. There is an unknown chemical/biological factor

Sound like deja-vu? No? Well it should, I talked about it a few posts ago.  It isn't far from my brain, and I keep trying to think only constructively.  Last night tho, the negative side was winning the internal battle, and I was just feeling down and frustrated.  Add on to it noticing that a few of my peers were seeing drastic improvements. I realize that I should not compare myself to others and their progress, and also realize that people lie to themselves as much as to everyone else.  For example one of them was a person who is grossly overweight (I am going to assume in the 270 range at my height) and has just recently come off of a major knee injury.  She is proudly boasting that she ran a mile and a half in 15 minutes.  Or the overweight binge eater that is at least athletic, but thinks Cheetos are a meal, and boasts how she lost 5 pounds in the last two weeks.  I know .... I know it isn't rationale for me to even think about comparing myself to these obvious lies, but it is hard when I feel as if I am actually working for it and not seeing any result. Add in to this little convergence, the same feeling of 'no reward' across a few other aspects of my life and I just felt like throwing in the towel.
I am ever so thankful that my guy has shown nothing but support for me, he makes a point of telling me how beautiful I am, and that he sees both my struggle and my progression.  I can only imagine how difficult it is for people in the same position with a person in their life that is not as supportive.

But that is all behind me, because today I am in my bout preparation mode.  It is time for me to think of my motto "calm, humble, compassionate", and our team motto "strong, focused, together", and about goals.  It is also where I need to step up and be a leader on the track.  I hope to do that tonight, I hope to be the strong person that people need to be around, I hope to inspire people, and I hope that I live up to my own expectations.

Status Update

In my check off grid at work (a 7x12 grid) I have 20 boxes filled in since 12/13/13.  Ten of those are since the new year. Since today is the 21st, that means that I have been working out nearly every other day.  Starting weight at the beginning of the year 168-170.  Current weight 166-168.  It is difficult with the fluctuations in my female body to tell if this is true weight loss or if this is 'water weight'.  Lets assume that things are positive.... and lets assume that it is a structural loss of 3 lbs.  That means that I have lost about a pound a week, and overall that is keeping on par, but slightly below what I want.  Right now I am aiming for 1.5 lbs a week.

(Taking a break to look at my 1/2 gallon jug of water, and drink a full glass worth in one shot, about 8oz and do ten explosive squats)

I would like to say that I am celebrating this as a success.  That I notice a difference, but I don't.  It is really difficult to not attribute the weight loss to my normal fluctuation associated with my menstrual cycle.  During the summer I can fluctuate about 4lbs, and during the winter I have seen that go as high as a ten pound difference.  It has also only been 20 days, so it is hard to say that I would feel or see any significant improvement without drastic measures.  What I have been doing is hardly drastic, it is sustaining.

Next step, cut down heavy grains even more, and up the work out intensity by 10%.

Today's meals: Breakfast - 1/4 cup of Butternut squash, less than a 1/4 cup of rice, 1/2 serving of ham sauteed and salted with a tortilla. Coffee
Lunch: 1 serving of vanilla yogurt (120 cal) with a drizzle of agave nectar (20 cal) and some home made granola (250 cal), two cups of tea.
Snack: 1.5 servings of chips, 4 small pieces of toast with spinach & artichoke spread
Dinner: 1 serving of crab Ravioli, 1 cup of steamed veggies.

Weekends are f'ree?

This weekend we were out of town, which usually means that eating habits get thrown out the window.  Add in to some personal issues and I was perhaps at my most grumpiest when it came to food.  All I wanted was a steak, and some deep fried goodies, and if both were smeared in dark chocolate, I would be all the better. In the previous post I mentioned how there was some forethought to preparing and taking food along with us, and generally we did good. (I fought those cravings! and maybe splurged a little).  Food issues aside, I was happy to find that there was a gym in the hotel we were staying at.  5 min warmup on the elliptical followed by a shortened version of Zuzka's HIIT workout.  I felt the squats later during our pairs kite performance.

Anyways, lets bring this blog back to the gardening side of the house; as I am sure by this point you are simply annoyed with my fitness and weight posts.  It is winter, what can I tell you.

Friday evening before we left there was a nice package on the doorstep from Territorial Seed Company.  Since we were in a rush I didn't get a chance to open them, but they were waiting for me when we returned. I am not sure how to describe how it feels to open up the package and neatly arrange each little seed packet.  Each with it's own beautiful hand drawn picture of the vegetable on the cover.  Yes this is about $55 of seeds, which seems like an awful lot for so little, but this represents potentially 2 years of vegetable garden growing.  Or put in a different light, nearly 300-400 lbs of food.

In the next month we will be building the raised garden beds, and starting some of the hardier starts indoors. 

Motivational Woes

It has been a month since I started the new workouts at the gym, and there are about 17 checks in my daily check off grid.  A simple way to remind myself of how far I have to go, and how I am getting there.  That equates to roughly a workout every other day, of some sort or fashion.  I wish I could say I have seen improvement, but I haven't.  I feel some improvement, like having cut down some of my run time on the treadmill. There is doubt that it is true improvement.  It would be nice to chalk that up to my working out and getting faster and stronger.  The more likely truth is that my body was just figuring itself out and tuning in accordingly.  So it isn't that I got faster, I just got a little better.

When I was at my top physical condition and taking run clinics to improve my form, the best I had on a track was around a 11 minute mile.  I run like a duck, my joints do not align, and it takes a heap of concentration to keep proper form.  (waddle waddle waddle QUACK! shit... I fell)  People talk about a 12 minute mile being exceptionally slow, and shocked that people can't meet that standard.  I keep silent, and die a little inside. Sub 12 minutes and I am sprinting for nearly that whole time; ending the run not in a triumphant blaze of glory, but a sweating mess attempting to hold back some projectile vomit.

There has also not been any weight loss or reduction in my 'size'.  It is disheartening.  If I work out this much, and relatively watch what I eat ( no fast/junk food, moderate portion control, and basic ingredients) then my first response is WHAT THE HELL DO I NEED TO DO?  So overwhelming and frustrating, but after a sip of coffee and a look at the fog rolling across the field outside and I find myself a bit of clarity.   There are two options I face. 
1. I either need to up my game and push myself harder
or
2. I am lying to myself about the level of work I am doing.
or
3. Both 1 and 2

I loathe to admit that chances are it is 3.  The thought of placing more energy into this endeavor makes my head hurt and the proverbial towel begging to be thrown towards the 'in' bin. At the same time, I think of the food I am eating, and the amount of working out I am doing and wonder if I say I am doing more than I physically am doing.

Writing this, helps a little with my motivational slump.  Not a lot, but enough.  Here is to the next 15 days, lets hope by the end of the month I see a 5 pound loss, a two inch drop, and a speed increase. 

Meals for today: breakfast was tortilla, two strips of bacon, 4 asparagus, and an egg with a cup of coffee. 
Lunch: 1/2 a serving of red meat, 1/3 cup of couscous with a pad of butter, 1/3 cup mixed veggies.
Afternoon treat - 1 piece of fudge 2 cups of tea
Dinner: 1 cup of coucous mixed with onion, carrots, peas and zucchini. Dash of curry ketchup.  and  1 vanilla yogurt, coconut milk, blueberry smoothie.

Workouts and workins?

This isn't a new years resolution, this is something that has been in the works. The fact that the season for my roller derby team happens to be coinciding with the new year.... means that I can ride the tide of other peoples motivations.  It does mean that the gym is full of people that are striving to be stronger and better, and being around that is intoxicating and uplifting in a way.

I also know I am not a crazy workout person, although I have been in the past.  There was a point when I was in the Navy that I weighed nearly 200 pounds.  My weight was a symptom of a bad mash up of a horrible sleep schedule, moods and emotions were fluctuating across the board, and eating all of the foods of the deep south. After being bored on a deployment to the middle east, I started working out, and I did it all the dang time. Fast forward to the my return to the states and I worked out at the gym like crazy.  BAM, the pounds melted away and I was hovering around 154.  Happy, and eating a ton.  Fast forward again nearly a decade and while I do derby twice a week, my fitness is not where it should be.

The input is being worked on, and that is being kept in separate posts, but the working out is focused around simple stuff I can do.  At least three times a week I go to the gym, hit up the cardio warm up for 10-20 minutes, and do some crazy HIIT exercises.  Examples of those workouts can be found here, with my inspiration: ZuzkaLight.  I do not hold any preconceived notions that I will be as fit as this chick, she is freaking crazy. Perhaps, I should take it as a warning that for as fit as she is, she is exhausted in the middle of these workouts.  Lets just say that I fully know, I will die doing these.  YAY!!!

I will post updates as I go.

Currents stats:

weight: 164-167 - depends on if I use the dial scale at home or the freight scale at work.
waist: 30 inches (am i sucking in?)
hips: 43 inches
Belly: 36 inches