Frustrations and First Bout Preperations

Last night right before practice there was a nice little convergence of emotions that resulted in a little personal downward spiral. Yes, I have been working out and doing my best to stay motivated, but I have not seen any tangible improvement.  So the negative-nelly side of me is saying that it is a pointless endeavor, and that no matter what I do it wont work so just give up.  The positive-polly side is quiet, but the rational.... uhm ralph side of me says: "Ok, Break it down bitch!" I am not seeing improvement, so there is only one of a handful of possible explanations. (or a combination of them)
1. I am simply not doing enough and need to work harder
2. I am lying to myself about how hard I am working, and in fact am sabotaging myself
3. There is an unknown chemical/biological factor

Sound like deja-vu? No? Well it should, I talked about it a few posts ago.  It isn't far from my brain, and I keep trying to think only constructively.  Last night tho, the negative side was winning the internal battle, and I was just feeling down and frustrated.  Add on to it noticing that a few of my peers were seeing drastic improvements. I realize that I should not compare myself to others and their progress, and also realize that people lie to themselves as much as to everyone else.  For example one of them was a person who is grossly overweight (I am going to assume in the 270 range at my height) and has just recently come off of a major knee injury.  She is proudly boasting that she ran a mile and a half in 15 minutes.  Or the overweight binge eater that is at least athletic, but thinks Cheetos are a meal, and boasts how she lost 5 pounds in the last two weeks.  I know .... I know it isn't rationale for me to even think about comparing myself to these obvious lies, but it is hard when I feel as if I am actually working for it and not seeing any result. Add in to this little convergence, the same feeling of 'no reward' across a few other aspects of my life and I just felt like throwing in the towel.
I am ever so thankful that my guy has shown nothing but support for me, he makes a point of telling me how beautiful I am, and that he sees both my struggle and my progression.  I can only imagine how difficult it is for people in the same position with a person in their life that is not as supportive.

But that is all behind me, because today I am in my bout preparation mode.  It is time for me to think of my motto "calm, humble, compassionate", and our team motto "strong, focused, together", and about goals.  It is also where I need to step up and be a leader on the track.  I hope to do that tonight, I hope to be the strong person that people need to be around, I hope to inspire people, and I hope that I live up to my own expectations.