Feb 16th random mutterings

I think back to my days on the island, (Orcas) truly magical times. I am reminded of the day that Alex Danskin and I walked out ot the field by Camp Orkila and laid down in the tall grass and watched the few clouds there were that day drift by on the inbelieably bright blus summer day. It was the summer my cousin Kevin was making a movie, a typical two bit western with his best frien Erica. They borrowed our grandfathers black powder rifles, and filmed it in the farmhouse to make it feel authentic. It was also the summer that I started to understand love in it's various forms. It was also the turning point in my life when I subconciously decided that no matter what boyfriend or husband I found myself with in the future, that my true love, the one that would make me happy the rest of my life, was my love for life and travel. It's different then loving a person. It doesn't expect you to change, it knows you will. It doesn't ask anything of you, because it knows you will give everything. It never tires of your company or pines for your return, because it knows you have never actually left. For that it is forgiving of your faults, accepting of your blemishes, and forever there to show you new paths and opportunities. I think back on the field often. Alex and I never really developed a strong friendship, we only ever knew each other during the summer. Although I did go to a dance with him... and tore my dress, a blue dress that always reminded me of a plump cinderella. But that field, and the moments lying there while life passed by have become a sacred refuge for me. I wonder now and then what paths my friends have followed after I concluded the chapters I occupied in their lives. I wonder more out of a sense of flexing my brain and trying to solidify the memories in my head, for fear that they will be lost.
It tickles my fancy everytime I think of these 'profound' moments in my life, and wonder if they had the same effect on the other participants, or if I have been the unknown actor in someone elses life changing moment. Are there friends that look back on a moment that I have deemed normal and possibly forgotten for their simplicity? It is odd for me to retreat into my mind and memories and analyze why the field with Alex, or the dock with Sam, or the night in the alley with Chris have had profound affects on me. While at the same time life chaning decisions or moves are relegated to "Oh yeah, I guess I remember that".

I miss the middle east. I miss the people. I am still working my way into the Republic of Boulders 'scene'.... and at the same time fighting an urge to run, go on the road and get away. I want the lighthouse. I want the solitude and the open friendship of the people that came to visit the lighthouse and found a friendly face sitting on the porch. I guess that's part of the real reason I miss working, that and feeling useful to someone other then myself.